– Onions have as much potassium as two bananas.
– Buy two bananas with an onion.
– Throw onions at people you don't like.
– Throw onions at people you like.
– Stand in an elevator and pretend to be an onion.
– Plant an onion and grow an onion bush.
– Boat. Need I say more?
– Switch out a violist's instrument with an onion. Watch him not know the key.
– Play chess with an onion.
– Lose chess to an onion.
– Become an onion.
– Take your onion to a phone store and throw it at the cashier. Then pretend to rob them.
– Toss it down some stairs.
– Piano!
– Tip a restaurant with an onion.
– Use an onion as a christmas decoration.
– Onion origami.
– As onions have as much potassium as two bananas, steal two bananas and replace them with an onion.
– Figure out the exchange rate of onion to apple. Hint: it's 1.3.
– Replace one of the onions in the bowl of communal onions with a grenade.
– Rubik's Onion
– Compress the onion into a liquid and inject it into yourself.
– Drop the onion from a cliff. On someone's head.
– When taking the SAT, write "Onion" for every answer. You will score over 9000.
– Yellow Onion
– Green Onion
– White Onion
– Black Onion
– Red Onion
– Orange Onion
– Magenta Onion
– Scallion
– Sunflower Green Onion
– Spring Onion
– Summer Onion
– Autumn Onion
– Fall Onion
– Rise Onion
– Unaffected By Gravity Onion
– Nasty Onion
– Cation Onion
– Anion Onion
– Onion Onion
– Defeatist Onion
– The Onion of Soviet Socialist Republics
– Fatalistic Onion
– Eggplant
– The Phantom Onion
– Attack of the Onions
– Revenge of the Onion
– A New Onion
– The Onion Strikes Back
– Return of the Onion
– The Onion Awakens
– The Last Onion
– The Rise of Onion
– Lord of the Onion Rings
– Scotty in Star Trek often says “Ye cannae change the laws of physics.” This is untrue. Onions can change the laws of physics. With their roots.
– If, by some incredible space-time paradox, an onion would ever fight itself, it would win. Period.
– An onion once slammed a revolving door.
– An onion can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
– Onions cure all diseases, including traumatic injury.
– Onions do not find X. X hides from onions.
– An onion did a hit-and-run with a parked car and got away with it.
– When J. Robert Oppenheimer said “I am become death, the destroyer Of worlds”, He was not referring to the atomic bomb. He was referring to the new onion costume he bought.
– The easiest way to determine an onion's age is to cut it in half and count the rings.
– An onion is simultaneously a fruit, a vegetable, a molecule, and an onion.
– Onions can walk up the down escalator.
– It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That’s true if you want to call an onion a meteor.
– Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for an onion. Onions eat black holes. They taste like chicken.
– When an onion does division, there are no remainders.
– Onions bite frost.
– Onions can check out 11 items through the express lane.
– An onion can scramble a 1x1x1 Rubik's Cube.
– The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed… unless it meets an onion.
– There are no WMDs in Iraq. Only onions.
– An onion can make you cry faster than the speed of light. This means that if you turn on a light switch, you will be dead before the lightbulb turns on.
– Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet as onions.
– Onions literally cry you a river. And then the whole Atlantic Ocean.
– Airport explosive dogs that say "DO NOT PET" have an exemption for onions.
– Contrary to popular belief, the moon is not an onion. The Earth is an onion.
– Onions can construct a regular heptagon. Without a compass. Or a straightedge.
– An onion can flavor apple juice from an orange tree and make the best lemonade you've ever tasted.
– An onion can make 50 people cry in the middle of Antarctica. Then it gets cut.
– Someone was once strangled by an onion. With a cordless phone.
– An onion once won at Russian Roulette. With seven bullets.
– The Bermuda Triangle was once the Bermuda Rectangle before an onion sailed into it and cut one of the corners off.
– An onion can beat itself at tic-tac-toe.
– Onions make onions cry.
– Onions aren't consumed. Onions consume.
– Onions do not cheat death. Onions are death.
– Onion
Onions are not classified by the FDA as a low-calorie food. It is strongly recommended to eat no less than five onions a day. Always brush your teeth after consumption of onions. Onions are known to interfere with certain beta-blockers and anti-coagulants. Do not consume onions if you are allergic to onions. Pregnant women and children under 5 should avoid exposure to onions. Onions are known to the State of California to cause cancer and reproductive harm. Cease consumption of onions and contact your doctor immediately if you feel tension in the chest, tingling in the extremities, vertigo, nausea, or heart palpitations. Onions contain a liquid core, and so if broken open, should not be touched or ingested. If ingested, call your local Poison Control center right away. Do not induce vomiting. Never consume onions after midnight. Do not taunt an onion. Failure to follow these regulations relieves Onion Products Incorporated Ltd. of any and all liability. Onions are not certified to be used as a life-preserving device or as a buoy.